Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
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