Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
