I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
