Buhtt sex?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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