Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My ass is underappreciated
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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