i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
