last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
