Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just want nice things and good sex
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
