we have pet lesbian snakes
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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