Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
