My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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