Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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