I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
