Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
