y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
