Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
