Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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