So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
