i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
