There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
