come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He kissed a someone with a penis
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
