The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
