I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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