Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
