I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
