Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
