I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
