in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
