Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
