No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
