Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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