You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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