We won't sleep together?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
