Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
smell my finger.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
