went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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