yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
