sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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