Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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