He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This baby is an asshole
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
