your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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