Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I want is dick and wine.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
