its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
