I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
