worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
