why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
