I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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