I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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