Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
