this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
