are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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