I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
