Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
