bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
