My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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